I’m not sure what’s bugging me, but something is. I’m gaining weight, feel stressed, have a tight neck muscle, feel unsatisfied, etc., all the little signs that something’s not right. What is it?
I think part of it is not having enough time to do the business that I want to do. I think part of it is realizing that life takes control of me if I relax just a little, causing me to not accomplish what’s important to me and to feel that I’ve wasted time on email, facebook, etc.
Spending time vs. wasting time. It’s an interesting choice of verbs that we use with “time”. We don’t usually say, “use time” unless we add the word, “wisely” to the end of it. “to spend time” is productive; “to waste time” is unproductive. Email & facebook are a combination of both, but I think it’s more wasted time than spent time. I like to keep up with what people are doing, but there’s a lot of sifting through uninteresting/unnecessary stuff, which can easily cause me to get side-tracked and waste time.
What’s difficult is that sometimes I need to relax and just catch up with people, so at those moments, it’s hard to keep focused and only read entries of significance. I just want to relax and not think too much! Last night I wanted to go to bed early, but found I wasted time on email/facebook which kept me up until my regular bedtime. A couple nights ago, I had a couple hours in the evening to get work done, but I wasted it, instead, checking facebook and chatting on facebook. So I feel stressed that I’m not getting more work done towards my business, but at the same time, I’m not spending the time that I have well.
This morning, I went running, returning home ~7:15. I knew I was going to have to shower, get the girls & myself ready, and get them to school, so I was in “go mode” the entire time. No wasting time, just focusing on the goal of getting us ready and out of the house. In the end, because I was focused, we were ready early, including my shower, make-up and everything. J But I’m not focused every morning because sometimes I’m tired. I do realize and sometimes have to remind myself that forcing myself to get up and moving in the morning makes my entire morning more relaxed because we’re not rushing and late for school. It’s worth taking control and focusing on the goal because it makes the rest of the morning more relaxed for me. The same is true in the evenings with the girls’ bedtime. It’s just that I don’t always want to control everything. I don’t want to be the domineering mom all the time. I want to be able to let my guard down now and then. But then, when I do, I waste 2 hr. on facebook or email! L
Hmm . . . I don’t know what the answer is.